Actually plaid swag beard

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{"type":"general","setup":"Can February march?","punchline":"No, but April may.","id":81}

{"type":"general","setup":"What type of music do balloons hate?","punchline":"Pop music!","id":261}

{"fact":"Retractable claws are a physical phenomenon that sets cats apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. I n the cat family, only cheetahs cannot retract their claws.","length":163}

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{"fact":"A cat rubs against people not only to be affectionate but also to mark out its territory with scent glands around its face. The tail area and paws also carry the cat\u2019s scent.","length":174}

{"fact":"A cat has more bones than a human; humans have 206, but the cat has 230 (some cites list 245 bones, and state that bones may fuse together as the cat ages).","length":156}

{"fact":"Cats lose almost as much fluid in the saliva while grooming themselves as they do through urination.","length":100}

{"fact":"Cats see six times better in the dark and at night than humans.","length":63}

{"type":"general","setup":"What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?","punchline":"200 Dollars.","id":149}

{"slip": { "id": 49, "advice": "A long walk alone with some time to think, can work wonders."}}

{"slip": { "id": 20, "advice": "Don't put off breaking up with someone when you know you want to. Prolonging the situation only makes it worse."}}

{"slip": { "id": 113, "advice": "Lemon and salt works wonders on tarnished brass."}}

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{"fact":"A cat has the power to sometimes heal themselves by purring. A domestic cat's purr has a frequency of between 25 and 150 Hertz, which happens to be the frequency at which muscles and bones best grow and repair themselves. ","length":222}

{"type":"general","setup":"How do you make a tissue dance?","punchline":"You put a little boogie on it.","id":2}